PROPS DEPT - TOM JANE OR "THAT GUY" AS HE'S KNOWN IN THE INDUSTRY!

Tom Jane should be a leading man by this point in his career. Since the 90s, he's appeared in a variety of both successful and unsuccessful films such as **Click These Links For The Evolution of Tom Jane** Buffy The Vampire Slayer, The Crow: City of Angels, Face-Off (the guy who punches the guard), Boogie Nights, The Thin Red Line, Magnolia, The Sweetest Thing, just to name a few, and has always been one of the best parts about it. Yet, it still doesn't seem like anyone knows who he is (or mistakes him for Aaron Eckhart quite often). They made a joke on Arrested Development once where Tom Jane made an appearance, playing himself and Lindsey Bluth had no idea who he was. Shows that he's a good sport.

Born in Baltimore, Maryland, Jane moved to Hollywood when he was 18. He was homeless, living out of his car for a good portion of his early-career. Presently, Jane is most recognized for his role in the reboot of The Punisher, arguably the better portrayal of the character, rivaling Dolph Lundgren's terrifying performance in the 1980s film. He also caught a lot of attention for his performance as David Drayton in the Stephen King creature-feature The Mist and notably had his own short-lived HBO series at one point called Hung in which he played a male prostitute for three seasons. But his range isn't just limited to dramas. He can also be found in the comedic realm as well, with his hilarious cameo in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World as a member of the Elite Vegan Police (with Brand Routh, former Superman-disaster amending his mistakes). I was definitely the only person in the theater shouting "That's Tom Jane! That's Tom Jane!" The theater owners called the real police.

The problem with Jane as an actor is that he is such a good actor, the chameleon effect takes over. He inhabits his characters to the point where it doesn't seem like Tom Jane is even present on screen and, thus, making him unrecognizable from film to film. For instance, who would believe that slimy character Burke Hicks in Face/Off is the same guy playing Frank Castle in The Punisher? Of Jane's greatest successes yet was a personal project he did, essentially apologizing for how bad The Punisher movie turned out (not to his fault). Returning for the role in a very popular internet short (and the debut of the elusive Marvel One-Shots), this was probably the best and most accurate portrayal of The Punisher to date...

Jane having four directing features, I hope that one day someone gives him a shot at The Punisher franchise (now owned by Disney, eesh). Couldn't hurt, and the video shows a greater understanding of the character than the studios seem to have. For being the trooper that he is, Tom Jane will always have a place (or role) in the Props Department.

BAD MOVIES THAT SHOULD BE SEEN (6 OF 100)

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BAD MOVIES THAT SHOULD BE SEEN (5 OF 100)

 

"The Room" (2003), Dir: Tommy Wiseau

$6 Million in Budget vs. $1,800 in Gross

Inspired by the dramas of Tennessee Williams, watching Tommy Wiseau's The Room, one feels a lot like Stella in A Street Car Named Desire... And by that, I mean brutally getting the crap kicked out of you by Stanley... Oh, man, where to begin? We could talk about Wiseau himself, and what the hell is up with that guy? Namely, his weird, unhealthy-looking body that you unfortunately have to see naked several times throughout the movie. (In my own cowardliness, I made excuses to duck-out during those parts.) We could go on for days about his poor decisions as a movie director, such as shooting the film in both 35mm and video at the same time and then cutting the two together later. (The cost of film vs. video never really entered his mind apparently with the film's $6 million dollar budget.) With that kind of brand of thinking, I suppose it makes perfect sense why his script makes absolutely no sense at all. Characters flip-flop at the drop of a coin, no one is quite sure of their motives for anything, and everyone says "hi" whenever a character enters the room. But when it comes down to it in the end, it just seems to me that Wiseau's whole reasoning for making "The Room" was to put himself in gross sex scenes with poor Juliette Danielle and subject his audience to really awful R&B. Yes, these are all signs of a horrible filmmaker (and person I might add), but the thing that gets me the most is why Wiseau would want to have rooftop scenes in a movie and not use a real San Francisco rooftop. Instead, the roof is obviously a green-screened cityscape and badly at that. Why not just film on a real rooftop, goddamn it?! Why?! See if you like bad movies, but avoid if you like sex.



For your viewing displeasure, The Flower Shop scene, which I would argue is probably the stupidest and most senseless twenty seconds of cinema ever. I showed it to a co-worker and his reaction was "It's like watching a Commodore 64 programmed to make a movie scene, or interpret the most fleeing of human interaction."

BAD MOVIES THAT SHOULD BE SEEN (4 OF 100)

 

"Southland Tales" (2006), Dir: Richard Kelly

$17 Million in Budget vs. $374,743 in Gross

Some movies are so bad that they are fascinating, like The Crow 2 or Natural Born Killers. You watch it and wonder what exactly was going through the director's mind they made whatever this is. Apparently Richard Kelly's abomination Southland Tales was inspired by the events of September 11th. Now, what exactly the Highlander driving around in a van, Sarah Michelle Gellar as a porn star, Kevin Smith as a gun-totting Obi Wan Kenobi, and the Rock traveling through time have to do with the events of September 11th is beyond me, but that's what was on Kelly's. (The funniest thing is that besides the time travel part, I could see most of the insane notions of celebrity explored in this movie coming to fruition.) Starring pretty much every C-grade actor and misfit in Hollywood -- Sean William Scott, Jon Lovitz, Cheri Oteri, Will Sasso, that midget-lady from Poltergeist -- Southland Tales is a senseless, pretentious mess. Abundantly attempting to be social commentary, the dares to go places its audience might not necessarily want to, ie. seeing Stifler try to seriously actor, Cheri Oteri threatening to kill herself unless she gets some Dwayne Johnson c%$#@, and some androgynous Chinese woman dancing in, like, every scene. Unraveling into moments of what looks like a  George Michael video and with a soundtrack entirely by Moby, this giant mess runs over two whole hours. The movie has its moments, but that's mainly the C.G.I. car commercial that turns into vehicular pornography with one truck ramming another. The rest, I just don't know...



For your viewing displeasure, what could arguably be the best scene in the film or the worst. I'm gonna be generous and call it the best because at least its creativity takes over the confusing aspects.

BAD MOVIES THAT SHOULD BE SEEN (3 OF 100)

 

"Death Race 2000" (1975), Dir: Paul Bartel

$300,000 in Budget vs. $5 Million in Gross

Whoever thought that Death Race 2000 would make for a good franchise of serious action movies obviously never saw the original, and they missed out. Watching Death Race 2000 in all its B-movie glory, what you essentially have is David Carradine in a gimp suit, Sylvester Stallone so high on coke that you can't understand a word he is saying, and a whole bunch of ridiculous-looking cars trying to rundown innocent people to score points. Question is, what more could you want?? A sardonic sports film with cheesy production values, ludicrous violence, and silly social commentary, Death Race 2000 is a milestone in the exploitation genre with howls of laughter never ceasing. Who would have thought that of Carradine and Stallone that Sly would come out the less sleazy at the end of his career, having started out as a porn actor? Probably the gem of the Roger Corman collection, Death Race 2000 is the perfect bad movie to get drunk to and watch with your friends. It's a fiesta of bad taste that was never meant to be taken seriously.



For your viewing displeasure, Sly's best moment in cinema.

BAD MOVIES THAT SHOULD BE SEEN (2 OF 100)

 

"Star Trek: Generations" (1994), Dir: David Carson

$35 Million in Budget vs. $120 Million in Gross

If one were to trace back to where Star Trek really departed from being stories about the ethics of the future, it would probably be with Star Trek: Generations. For the first outting of The Next Generation crew, it feels less like a celebration and more like the franchise's garage sale. Up for grabs was William Shatner's integrity in the Captain Kirt role. Some would argue the Shat never had any to begin with, but Patrick Stewart certainly did in the enlightened, forward-thinking role of Jean-Luc Picard. Instead, this deflated cinematic adventure just marks Picard's gradual transformation into a geriatric Bruce Willis. And finally, there was a clear fire-sale of whatever uniforms were leftover from the previous films and Deep Space Nine. The outcome was the most disappointing writing for Star Trek since the original series (and that tar monster episode in TNG). The rest of the Next Gen movies would be rocky or forgettable, and now that the studio's have rebooted the original crew in action movie form, I have a feeling the characters of Next Gen will be forgotten in the world of cinema... for the better, probably... They were TV people, unlike the radiant Nichelle Nichols. Pff! Zoe Saldana, my ass.



For your viewing displeasure, my favourite critic since Roger Ebert, Mr. Plinkett, does an indepth analysis of this... thing.

BAD MOVIES THAT SHOULD BE SEEN (1 OF 100)

 

"Nothing But Trouble" (1991), Dir: Dan Aykroyd

$40 Million in Budget vs. $8 Million in Gross

In 1988, Tim Burton made Beetle Juice. In 1989, Ted Kotcheff made Weekend at Bernie's. And by 1991, these types of comedies were proving to fair pretty well at the box office. So Dan Aykroyd (the man behind the semingly successful genre ala Ghostbusters in 1983) decided to direct for the first time in his career. This film would be Nothing But Trouble and would also mark the end of Aykroyd's directing career, not to mention when it became clear to the public he had a screw loose. It stars Chevy Chase (when people still liked him), Demi Moore (pre-Aston Kutcher), John Candy (we forgive you), Tupac Shakur (in his first movie role), and Aykroyd as a psychotic judge holding a group of socialites hostage in his demented fun house of justice. When people look back on Aykroyd's career, I have a feeling they will mark this as when he first lost his mind.



For your viewing displeasure, the infamous "baby scene" with Dan and his brother, not to mention John Candy in drag and Demi Moore dressed like she's in a Debeers commercial.